Etiquette isn't about formality — it's about clarity and care. The old rulebook was built for paper invitations addressed by hand and mailed at scale. Most of those rules made sense then; some still do; many don't. This guide separates the etiquette that genuinely affects how guests feel from the etiquette that's just inherited from a different era.
The principles below apply equally to weddings, milestone birthdays, baby showers and any considered celebration. The tone matters more than the typography.
What still matters
- Be explicit about who's invited — name guests on the invitation if possible
- Mention dress code if it's anything other than ‘turn up'
- State an RSVP-by date and stick to it
- Acknowledge any dietary or accessibility needs upfront
- Address adults by their preferred names, not their titles
- Give clear directions and parking notes — guests shouldn't have to guess
What you can let go of
- Paper-only invitations — digital is now the standard, and more inclusive
- Spelling out times in words (‘at half past three')
- Including gift registries on a separate card — link them once, gently, in the invitation itself
- Inner and outer envelopes — irrelevant for digital invitations
- Third-person formal voice (‘[Hosts] request the pleasure…') unless the event genuinely warrants it
- Strict ‘no children' notes — handle it through personalised guest lists instead
Old etiquette vs modern etiquette
Old rules (mostly retired)
- Mail printed invitations, never email
- Third-person formal copy throughout
- Spell out every number and date in words
- Separate response card with reply-paid envelope
- Gift information never on the invitation itself
Modern etiquette
- Digital invitation with mobile-first design
- Conversational warmth, even at formal events
- Clear numerals, easy to scan
- One-tap RSVP on a personalised link
- Registry block beneath the invitation — discreet but visible
Plus-ones, gracefully
- 1
Set a clear rule
Married, engaged, cohabiting partners only. Or partners and serious dates of 6+ months. Pick a rule that fits your event and stick to it.
- 2
Communicate via the invitation
Personalised guest links show each invitee their own plus-one allowance. No conversation required.
- 3
Override sparingly
Use the per-invitee override for legitimate exceptions — a guest travelling alone, a recent bereavement, a long-distance friend visiting once a year.
- 4
Don't second-guess yourself
It's your event. Guests respond well to clarity, even when the answer is ‘no plus-ones'.
The practical bits, worded well
Personalise per guest
Availi creates a unique link per invitee — so each guest sees their own name and plus-one allowance, the digital equivalent of a properly addressed envelope.
Keep gift mentions gentle
A single sentence is enough. Lists of preferred gifts on the invitation itself remain a faux pas.
Be explicit about kids
‘Adults only please' or ‘Children welcome' lands better than a vague note. Make the rule clear once, kindly.
Dress codes need an example
Add a line of context: ‘Cocktail — think suits, midi dresses, no jeans'. Guests would rather over-translate than guess wrong.